Blessing in Disguise
Behind the Song, What's Next, Lyrics
As a number of you know, I recently and finally released a brand new original single, Blessing in Disguise. This song marks the first of five original singles I’ll be releasing over the course of the next few months: songs I’ve spent the last two years fundraising for, writing, polishing, and recording. Ultimately, the five songs and five releases will culminate into an EP Release party and live show, ideally with my fledgling band, exciting new merch, and maybe even kicking off a mini tour (or a world tour, we can dream here.)
All that aside, the openness I’m feeling in the wake of the release is both roomy yet also a bit overwhelming. I’m feeling both tethered to the song and it’s steadily increasing stats on the listening platforms; as well as lost at sea from the innumerable options available as an independent music artist. Where exactly to focus my energy? Should it be on promotion, gig-booking, networking, marketing, or to just start on the next release? I was not expecting this resulting inertia from the aftermath of the release, although I wasn’t really sure what to expect. If nothing else, it’s a great learning opportunity.
That said, I am so proud. SO proud of this song and you of my listeners (many reading this now,) who have taken time from your busy days not only to listen to the song but to reach out to me with what the song meant for you. Talk of your tears, your hearts opening at the instrumentation and my voice, your gratitude for the words and melody - no amount of inertia or overwhelming to-do lists could ever defeat the gift of what your praise and attention has meant for me. Thank you, infinitely. That’s why I do this. To reach some part of me, and of you, that neither of us knew needed reaching, holding, hearing, loving.
Blessing in Disguise is a bit of an outlier from the other tracks. It’s message came to me during an emotional time of feeling very lacking and powerless. On this blog I talk a lot about my experience being poor - not for sympathy from the reader - but for processing and for connection. Money has always been a tricky thing in my life, and this song came about as I was grappling with just how abundant other’s financial resources might be. I was desperate to possess a sense of power, integrity, and WORTH. I was desperate to feel a sense of ownership over my existence, and my purpose here on this massive earth. I was desperate for autonomy despite being poor, as money really can open doors. Thus, this song was borne from a sense of seeking empowerment, and from the perspective of both my very young and wild and free inner child, and from my grown and nurturing wise adult self.
Thus, Blessing in Disguise burst forth with life-giving fervor. Tears and astonished laughter came to me as the words presented themselves. My breathing quickened as my excitement poured onto pages and pages of notebook paper. Relief flooded my nerves like a river-plunge in the height of a humid summer, as my tumultuous thoughts found their way up and out of my thundering bones, taking shape as this rallying lullaby for my disheartened soul.
That’s what songwriting seems to be for me. A life-line. A remembrance. A way home. A sometimes gentle but more often a sudden quaking of the earth that sends me careening back to the path of my soul. It is both a blessing, to have such a seemingly tangible sense of myself, and a curse, to sometimes get so thrown off of the course that is my identity, my voice, my essence, that a very intense artful emotional experience will ultimately bring me back. I wish America was better to their artists. We are real.
I hope that whatever it is you do in your life, that you find that trail that brings you back to your essence, your inner wisest, wildest, truest and most revered self. In a world where a millennia of societal pressures demand us to shrink into a version of ourselves that serves someone or something else, it is my hope that with this song, and with your own soul’s calling, that you will blossom into exactly you. That you will serve exactly you.
Sure, money might open doors, both those of us with a keen eye for bullshit will know a true heart with integrity, versus a trap that will ensnare our soul’s essence. ‘Watch for traps, don’t cut yourself off at the feet. Stay the course. Stay free.’
Thanks for reading, and if you have, thank you so much for listening.
Blessing in Disguise
Lyrics
I may not know the technical term
But it sounds good
Playing right through to my heart
And it vibrates
Shaking my bones shaking my bones shaking my bones
Shaking your bones shaking your bones shaking your bones
I may not have a lot of square feet
But it’s shelter
Safe and quiet with a lucky cat
I look after
No it’s not much but I pay for it on my own
Welcome to my welcome to my humble home
A little bit of confidence was all that I needed
To live a life that has purpose and meaning
Watch for traps don’t cut yourself off at the feet
Stay the course stay free
And I want you to know
That I love you just for being alive
And I want you to know
That I see how hard you try
Settle down now and get yourself some rest
It’s ok Child you don’t have to be the best
You’re good enough you got the stuff
Honey I’m impressed so take a deep breath
And I want you to know
That I love you just for being alive
And I want you to know
That I see how hard you try
We might be broke but see just how we thrive
I love you even if you’re scraping by
Hey this mirror has a brand new pair of eyes
Cuz this poverty is a blessing in disguise.
written by Allison Fay
recorded & engineered by Matt Appleton
available on all streaming platforms